Saturday, 19 November 2011

High School and nerves....MINE

J had her High School orientation day this week. She loved the newness of girls she didn't know, a huge school to explore and many new adventures ahead. I think she likes the idea of a new start, not being with the same kids she has been with for the last 7 years - and no one knowing that she's the "CF kid". I'm not so sure about any of this. It's not that I don't love the school...I do...A LOT. It's been a wonderful school for her sister. In part it's letting go. But there is just this deep deep niggle inside me that won't go away. Like there is going to be a huge health decline over the next 6 years. That there is going to be nothing I can do to stop it. Like it's going to be a rollercoaster that spins out of control. I have to hide these feelings from her. This is one of the great adventures of her life. She is so happy. I'm faking the happiness. I'm so scared...for us all. And short of home schooling her and keeping her in a bubble, I have to let go. I hate this ride. We're never getting off.