Saturday, 17 November 2012

Some days it's not just CF I hate - it's everything...and it's everything tied up with CF too. While my gratitude is slipping, I don't like the person that I am - the "why us" person. I feel I HAVE to be thankful. To be so glad that J wasn't born 50 years ago with limited treatment options. We would have lost her back then in the two close calls we had.

Instead I'm just cranky to be doing treatments, physio, nebs, pills, clinic - not celebrating them. I just want to be normal sometimes - not get a 13 yo girl up at 545 everyday so she can do her treatment and meds and make it to school on time. Not be happy to buy a new nebuliser head so the nebs go lightning fast. I hate my negativity and I hate hearing about others sometimes.I hate listening to friend's woes even. Sometimes I just want to scream do you realise how hard life is for us? We can do all this and STILL it might not be enough. Yep, I hate myself for feeling like this.

I look at my beautiful girl. She rarely complains. She laughs about all this crap. She doesn't get hung up on the stupid garbage her friends do. It's like she has a better purpose. She is just a better person. So much better than I'm choosing to be today.

Time to choose differently.